This piece is honestly just a curiosity piece for myself, because I am quite curious about why I write why I write.
I believe that figuring this out will exponentially make me a better writer, and I like that prospect.
I am kind of surprised that I have not seriously asked myself this question before (although I probably have, but I didn’t answer it for reasons that I’ll probably get into in this piece).
I have a theory as to why I write as far as a specific aspect of my writing goes, and so I have to elaborate to you what that specific aspect is, as well as why I believe that I write that way.
I suppose that I should start with the theory first, because that will allow us to jump right into what the actual aspect is.
As I have said in other pieces, growing up, I heard a lot of things attacking intelligence. From my family and religion that I grew up around, mainly, but also peers as I got older. I was told often that “I thought too much” when I obviously didn’t, but I didn’t have the confidence to understand exactly why it was that I didn’t think “too much”, and because I didn’t, it greatly hindered my writing ability. Because because I wasn’t able to analyze why it was that I didn’t think too much, I couldn’t come up with an argument as to why I naturally thought as much as I did, and thus I “accepted” what I was told, even though I knew it was grossly incorrect. However, I accepted it and thus I tried to “stop thinking” as much. Of course, I still loved to write, but I noticed that when I would try to write, I would have to think, and this caused a conflict within me. I was told that I thought too much, and being the naïve kid that I was, I believed it. So when I tried to write, I noticed that I would have to think and then I would just stop trying to think because I was now afraid of “thinking too much.” This is what happens when idiots give advice to an intelligent kid. But because I conditioned myself to do this, basically any time that I wanted to think deeply about something (which was constantly, as thankfully is the case today) I would just tell myself to “stop.” And this terrible thought process continued, sadly, for many, many years. It’s taken a lot of soul searching to slow it down even a tad. But because I conditioned myself to “not think so much” (the dumbest possible thing that any human being could say), when I wrote, I would write without thinking. I would just spew coherent things down, but if there was something deep to be said, I would just avoid it. So my writing suffered tremendously because of that, and to this day I still have problems of this, although I am starting to realize (by “thinking”! *gasp*) that my writing is not as deep as I wish it to be, and it is directly related to what I have discussed, sadly. This intimately relates to what I want my work to be about intelligence and stupidity, which is probably, at least at the time of this writing, my biggest work.
Honestly, this piece will probably be quite short because I believe that I have already said all that I wanted to say, or at least the main parts of it.
I am thankful that I had great teachers when I was learning to read and write, and I’m thankful that my parents spent a lot of time with me when I was younger teaching me these things, and I was very blessed to be intelligent and be able to hold on to these things. It is not something I take for granted, and in fact I panic at someday, for some reason, losing that ability to do both because they are so important to me (and that fear comes from religion as well: “Don’t take things for granted: give thanks to God all of the time” and of course if you don’t, then you are sinning. This was the kind of religious idea that I grew up around and I don’t remember who I heard it from specifically, but I remember thinking it, and I didn’t just make it up on my own without piecing together all of the religious ideas that I had heard from other people. A horrible, atrocious ideology conservatism is).
So aside from why I’m able to write in coherent sentences with correct spelling (usually) and am able to write pretty effectively is both because of my teachers (parents included) plus, thankfully, my natural, God-given intelligence. It is my best trait, and I am extremely thankful that I am blessed in this way, although most of the time, I wish that I wasn’t (although ultimately, I don’t really believe that). And because I was taught to read from my parents, I was able to understand language, and then the desire to write just sprang up from me and I swear to you it was as natural to me as breathing. I’ve never looked back from that time, and I’ve always wanted to write. Sadly, what I discussed previously happened and I just didn’t do it that much, but I have to think about my past and break apart the dumbassery so that I can improve upon my writing, which I desparately want to do. I’m so saddened that so many years of my life were just wasted, and I have to break apart what was honestly unnecessary, but it is how it is, despite how depressing “it is”. The biggest part of that is my parents’ fault, but once again, it just is how it is. I don’t think they’ll ever accept that, but it is how it is.
I suppose that I’ve discussed the “quick burst” with you, and I hope that for me personally, I can get rid of all of this retarded bullshit and write as well as I can write, which I know is as well as anyone else has ever written, if not better honestly. I can’t wait for the day when I’m no longer held back from all of my chains and I can be what I was born to be, and that is one of the best writers ever.
I know that I can do it and that is exactly what I am going to do.
I have no comments for those that don’t believe that I can become one of the best writers of all time.