Growing up? :( NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

😦 <- (This is a funny link. Please click it).

I think that phase, so common in adulthood, where dreams begin to die, and restless complacence starts to kick in, is creeping into my subconscious ever so subtly. I have always dreamed big, even if my effort put forward would cause me to fall and crash onto the dirt of reality, leaving me with a toothless mouth and a bloody nose. But even as those would say “It’s time to grow up, Cody”, I would take another Evel Knievel jump, thinking that the next one would launch me into the sky, and I would fly free like an eagle. And, once again, I would come crashing down on the dirt, to another bloody nose. And I would jump, and fall, and jump, and fall, convinced that my next jump would launch me into space, where I could float eternally.

But I’m beginning to realize that now, it’s time to readjust the plan. Perhaps I can’t jump off of the cliff anymore without a parachute, or a pair of wings, however faulty those wings may be. And, perhaps, maybe I should stop jumping off of the cliff altogether, walk down the hillside, and lie on some other piece of dirt somewhere: somewhere much easier to get to.

All of this is to say that I can no longer have the ignorant view of my life’s direction anymore. I can no longer assume that x will get me y in z amount of time, only to have z + 1, z + 2, z + … pass me by, thinking that I will get everything that I ever wanted, and more.

Now, let me clarify here that every entrepreneur must have that attitude to succeed. He must continue to believe that he will get there eventually, no matter how many times he fails. And someone who has never become an entrepreneur can’t possibly understand that. Those who take the success of businesses for granted can’t comprehend the difficulty of obtaining that success, and they never will. They don’t care to, they are ok with that, and they would rather condemn from their shanties. It is very easy for poor people to watch television (excerpts from “Breaking News: story 2 of the Apocalyptic Series”), watch an interview involving some rich person, listen to them talk about how difficult it was to achieve their success, and how shitty their lives growing up were, and to just dismiss it because of the amount of money that they have. But this is a grave error that is sure to keep the watcher in poverty. This type of attitude keeps poverty going. This mentality is what keeps poor people poor: not that rich person on television. But, because it is easier, many poor people adopt that attitude and thus, remain in poverty, and continue to blame said person on television again for that poverty, and that cycle continues; and continues even more so when it is passed on from generation to generation, as tragic as that is.

But teaching people that nothing that they do will get them out of poverty is 1) dishonest and 2), quite frankly, unjust. It is dishonest because there is no guarantee of whether or not an action (or sequence of actions) that one takes will get them out of poverty. And it is unjust to convince someone to not even try by getting them to believe otherwise. It’s a complete abomination to humanity and, quite frankly, I don’t have the vocabulary to describe the anger it causes me. So, I will leave it at that.

There are so many directions that I could go from here, but because of my lack of development of some of the ideas that I’d like to introduce and tie into this, I will decide to continue this way: I am very glad that I adopted the entrepreneurial attitude. I am glad that I grew out of my nothing-I-do-will-get-me-out-of-poverty attitude. Thankfully, one thankful day, a light bulb turned on above my head, and my life just simply has not been the same since. It is not the same politically, socially, or religiously. It is a blessing, and I cannot be thankful enough for it. From that day on, I simply stopped blaming others for my poverty and started working to change it.

My first step was to study economics, which I have. And all I will say about that is that I sympathize for the ones who are receiving incorrect economic theory, and, sadly, leave it at that. I am still in, in all honesty, the first step. I’m not sure if I’ll ever leave the first step. It seems crucial to me that if I hope to better myself financially, I need to learn how to do so (very few people would disagree with me there). And, I think that the best way for me to do so is to just understand the entire system, as that’s what I’m going to be a part of, and the system is what dictates my financial success. And, here I am today, still a student with incomplete knowledge, who is attempting to absorb every single fact I can (and failing miserably at it), looking for the next piece of information to absorb, contemplate, and either accept or reject. Hopefully, this stage lasts for a long time, but also hopefully, I make progress as well.

The second step for me, after studying economics, was to figure out what I wanted to do. I’ve never set out to let pursuit of wealth dictate my actions, except insofar as attempting new things that I hadn’t attempted before. Trying to make money has caused me to do many different things, such as starting a Youtube channel, or publishing things on Kindle. However, I had already planned on writing before I even thought about publishing. Publishing was a long afterthought, with just the joy (and, frankly, compulsion) of writing coming first. I can’t stand explaining this to others, beck and call, every single time they feel the self-righteous (or, even, with genuine compassion) that “I shouldn’t write for the money.” Quite frankly, it’s exhausting, and I’m done responding to their comment.

I’ve been a writer for as long as I can remember, even though I didn’t write. I’ve known that I’ve had it in me for as long as I can remember, but I never knew how to begin. Finally, I just said “You know what?” (“What?”, you reply). “I think I’m just to start something out.” And I just began writing. And then, I added something else to it. Then I thought of this, and then this was added, and then that, and then this, and then “Oooh! This is good”, and so on and so forth, until finally, Torture was written. And then, I had a completed story that I felt proud of. I wrote it completely for fun, fell in love with it, and felt proud that I had completed an actual story. I was thrilled, ecstatic, and just plain goddamn happy. Then, I let some friends read it, and they liked it (I don’t believe that they were entirely humoring me). Them liking it made me decide to try to sell it, and my “publishing” stage was born. And that’s a big reason why I’m in the position that I’m in right now, writing, video making, and it all.

From there, I wrote a couple of more stories, and started marketing relentlessly. It’s been three straight years of marketing, with very little results (which is ok, even though I would like to be in a better position today than I am (who wouldn’t?)). A lot of marketing has helped craft my style, which I consider crude and honest. This marketing style, which is a huge part of my personality, has helped me craft and hone a love and passion into a (currently) unsuccessful business model, which I am still proud of. I am extremely proud of myself that I have taken this initiative to undertake this unconventional business model and keep it going for so long. If I’m being honest here, I have so many ideas for it that I can’t express them all here, but I’m extremely content with how it is developed, even if I do wish I had more money to show for it. But I genuinely believe that will come with time.

So, as it sits, I have a near-infinite amount of ideas, which are either going to be for sale or used to market things for sale, which are going to help shape and mold my rough-around-the-edges-crude persona (it’s the best word I could come up with: it’s not fake, but it’s still a “personality” reflected through writing and any other medium that I decide to use (and it’s for sale)), and craft it into a body of work that, even if financially unsuccessful, will make me extremely happy and proud, and that’s where I am. I have so many ideas that I can’t begin to explain them all, and although my fanbase is incredibly small at the moment, I still love (most) of my work. And that’s a large majority of “most”: not 51%. I may not be able to convince anyone that what I’m doing will become a successful business model, and maybe it never will. But all that I know is that I have to do what I enjoy doing, and all of this is it. It has gotten to the point where if I don’t create something marketable, I become indescribably bored, restless, and depressed that I’m not taking advantage of another opportunity. I can tell in my heart, by all of this language that I’m using, that I was born to do this, to be a businessman of this shade, and to experience all of the trials and errors that it takes to become, for lack of a better term, a “professional media maker”. Although I don’t know which kind of businessman I will be (successful or unsuccessful), I do know that my work so far has made me happy beyond measure (even though I do frequently emotionally struggle with the lack of money it has given me), and my work is not going to change in spirit, even if it does finally get honed and crafted to a better degree (measured by me, mainly) and ends up changing to a point where comparing new work to old work would make their artist (me) unrecognizeable. I can’t stop doing this, simply because I would be bored beyond description, and I feel like I would come back to this attempt to sell this shit by default. I would end up going through the exact same process: creating stuff that I want to create, and then later try to sell it. So, I’m pretty content with where I am, at least as far as doing passionate work is concerned.

And as far as turning that work into “a living” is concerned: I’m not going to change the work just to make more money. That’s just absolutely not going to happen. At least not on any drastic level. And, if it continues to not work out, I will simply have to find new sources of income which, as long as the government doesn’t kill the country, I should be able to do. I might hate the work, and live in less-than-ideal living standards, but, at least currently, I think that as long as I have all of this work, and this passion, and this spirit, I may be able to make it through this world afterall…

And those are my honest thoughts; *at least currently…

*Subject to change.

Age.

Halloween.

(Where you can financially support me (if you so desire) 😉

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