Category Archives: Jokes

Philosophy joke.

Philosophy is pointless.”

Jordan Peterson: “Hold my beer.”

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Devin Stevens’s Yugioh-Bernie Sanders mashup.

Yugioh TCG Exclusive!

BERNIE SANDERS
Attribute: White
ATK 2500 DEF 3000
Socialist/XYZ/Effect
Rank 4

2 level 4 Democrat Monsters

“If you control ‘Hillary Clinton,’ destroy this card. During either player’s turn, you can attach a ‘Democrat’ monster from your hand to this card as XYZ material. During either player’s turn, you can detach one XYZ material from this card to destroy one face up ‘capitalist’ card your opponent controls. During each standby phase, if your opponent has more cards in their hand and/or field than you do, they send cards from their hand and/or field to the graveyard so they have an equal number of cards as you do on their field and in their hand. All monsters you control have their ATK and DEF equal to this card’s. If this card is in your graveyard, during either player’s turn, you can return this card to the extra deck; this turn, all Millennial, Socialist, and Democrat cards you control are unaffected by your opponent’s card effects and cannot be destroyed in battle.

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Devin Stevens’s Yugioh-Trump mashup.

Follow his blogs here.

Yugioh.

Devin Stevens.

Voluntarism and Capitalism.

Devin Stevens’s Yugioh-Trump mashup.

Yugioh TCG Exclusive! Rise of the Republicans Starter Deck! 20 dollars a box. Features include:

TRUMP’S RED CAP
Ritual Spell Card
“This card is used to ritual summon “Donald Trump.” You must also tribute “white” monsters from your hand of field whose total level stars equal exactly 8. Except the turn this card was sent to the graveyard, you can banish this card from your graveyard; add one “Electoral College” or “Trump Tower” from your deck to your hand.”

DONALD TRUMP
Capitalist/Ritual/Effect
Lv: 8 ATK 3000 DEF 2500

“You can ritual summon this card with “Trump’s Red Cap.” Gain 1000 life points during each of your standby phases. When you summon a “white” monster(s) while you control this face-up card: draw 1 card. If this card is targeted by the effect of a “feminist” card, negate the effect and attach that card to this one as an equip spell card (that card does not count towards your Spell/Trap Zone limit). If this card battles a non-“white” monster, before damage calculation, banish that monster.”

BORDER WALL
Continuous Trap Card
“Neither player can summon monsters except “white” monsters. All “white” monsters you control gain 500 ATK and DEF. If this card leaves the field, you can special summon one “Trump” monster from your hand, graveyard, or deck, ignoring its summoning conditions.”

Yugioh will never be the same again…..

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Devin Stevens’s Yugioh-Bernie Sanders mashup.

Follow his blogs here.

Yugioh.

Devin Stevens.

Trump parody 1.

Trump parody 2.

Voluntarism and Capitalism.

Fem.

Muslims No Longer Followers of Quran – The Garlic Journal

QUEBEC, CANADA – Citing the recent incident of Muslim-on-Muslim violence in the area, prominent Muslim figures in Quebec gathered to proclaim that they were no longer Muslim. “Because so many Muslims are carrying out Jihad, as required by the Quran, I am encouraging all to stop following the Quran,” said one such religious authority. “Clearly, the metaphors are lost, and people are interpreting our text too seriously. I mean, can you imagine if Christians ate flesh and drank blood?” Many locals condemned the previously religious messenger as being “too extreme” and “racist”. When pressed for comment, he responded “They are bat shit crazy,” before being shot in the forehead with an AK-47 by a brown-skin, bearded gentleman screaming “Allahu akbar!” The shooter declined to be interviewed, as he was shot by local police. One young woman, upon witnessing an explosion nearby, was caught by our microphones exclaiming “What a beautiful fireworks show!”

The Religion of Peace.

Trump parody 1.

Trump parody 2.

Offend the Fuck Out of People.

Local Man Not Dissuaded By Vomit – The Garlic Journal

BENTONVILLE, AR – Yesterday, at 12:01 PM, 27-year-old Brad Stephenson told reporters that he still planned on ordering a sundae later that evening as he was seen vomiting outside the local McDonald’s. A television crew from station WEFT reported that they approached the young man after seeing him knelt over the railing in front of the eatery, expunging what they described to be “pea soup-like.” Upon asking Mr. Stephenson if he indeed had eaten any pea soup, the young man only managed to gasp “McChicken” before vomiting again. Moms and children, upon first arriving at the scene, only ran inside of the building, seemingly unaware at what had made Mr. Stephenson sick in the first place. Mr. Stephenson reached out his hand to express his concern for the children, but had to quickly retreat his hand to his stomach, where he felt another ball of puke gurgling. “I can feel another ball of puke gurgling,” he told WEFT. When asked if he had planned on ever returning back to the establishment, Mr. Stephenson responded “Of course. Sundaes are still only a dollar, aren’t they?” When pressed further for comment, Mr. Stephenson implied that he was never going to learn to cook his own food. “They don’t sell frozen McChickens at the supermarket that you can microwave, do they?”

“The Garlic Journal” Announcement

Now is as good of a time as any to announce “The Garlic Journal”: a parody of “The Onion” that reads more like a personal opinion piece. Basically, I intend “The Garlic Journal” to be joke articles where I take extreme positions that I don’t honestly believe for comedic effect (or for satire). “The Garlic Journal” is intended to enrage and get people laughing (or, more importantly, thinking, if they are actually capable of it (which I am not anticipating to be the case most of the time. At least I’ll get a good laugh out of it all)). Basically, a more extreme version of what I already do.

I already pretend to be a monster on Youtube. I plan on continuing this, and trying to work on getting better with video (but it will be a slow process). The writing will be similar to that. I plan on writing joke articles in defense of pedophilia, racism, and political assassination, to name a few subjects. I hope that my human right of free speech will be protected. It is quite scary. The more oppressive the United States government becomes, the more terrifying it, obviously, is. And, based upon the way the current political climate feels among the citizenry, this trend is going to continue. Political correctness and statism are leading America straight towards totalitarianism, and it remains to be seen if the diligent minority will be enough to keep the Republic from collapsing completely. But, nonetheless, I am going to write joke articles. I’m going to express my natural human right of free expression. I hope that people will support my right, even if they hate my sense of humor.

And, for the love of God, I hope that no one finds out where I live, and that some maniac decides to try to kill me, as I know will be the case someday. I fully expect to end up like Larry Flint; or, at the very least, Martin Luther King Jr. Is it worth it? All I can say is that I feel incomplete without it. There’s a part of me that deeply wants to do this, in spite of the risks involved. There’s something about expressing your rights freely in the face of dangerous threat. It’s perhaps the most exhilarating feeling there is.

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” – Evelyn Beatrice Hall.

We mustn’t let the evil people win.

“Give me liberty, or give me death!” – Patrick Henry, March 23rd, 1775.

Offend the Fuck Out of People.

Truth in advertising.

I’m tired of deceitful advertising in the world, so I’m going to prove my ethical superiority by marketing myself as a crazy person.