I hated to admit it, and all of my friends teased me about it, but I heavily resembled Eagles head coach Andy Reid. And I mean heavily. I was a big dude. Every time the Eagles lost, my friends would give me hell about the Eagles play calling: “How could you make a call like that? WHY DON’T YOU RUN THE BALL MORE?” But the victories were as sweet as the losses were annoying because I always got free beer in all of the bars in Philadelphia.
But on the days that the Eagles lost: oh man. It was a completely different world. If the Eagles winning represented a small sample of Heaven, then surely the Eagles losing was an even larger sample of Hell. Especially after leaving a home game. As I would approach my car, people would throw beer bottles and beer cans and trash at me, booing me and screaming “WHY DIDN’T YOU PUNT ON FOURTH DOWN, YOU FAT FUCK!!!!” and “I HOPE YA MOTHA GETS RAPED AS HARD AS YA RAPED OUR SEASON, FATASS!!!!!!!!!” I knew how passionate Philly fans were, so I didn’t mind it that much. I just chalked it up to the humor of looking like Andy Reid and realized that if I was going to enjoy the perks of this act, I would have to deal with the bullshit that came with it as well.
“Hi, I’m Violet.”
It took a second for my mind to respond. “Hi, I’m Richard. Nice to meet you.” We were holding up the line, so I quickly placed my order and said “I’ll meet you at a table”, then I received my coffee and sat down with her. The ease with which I could speak with her was astonishing. We talked for a couple of hours and the time had flown by. We were getting along smoothly, until I brought up one subject.
“So, are you a sports fan?”
“No, I actually despise sports.”
“You don’t say?” My heart was crushed.
“Yeah. I just moved here from North Dakota and we didn’t have any sports teams, thank God. Pardon me for saying this, but Philadelphian sports fans are neurotic.”
“Well, their mood depends on whether or not their teams win or lose. Can you believe that? They’re basically leaving their mood up for chance, and in the hands of someone else hands rather than dealing with it on their own.”
“And they’re obnoxious.“
“And they sit together for hours every weekend and yell at a bunch of things they have no control over. They complain over nothing. Not to mention the riots when their team or whatever finally does something good.“
“It’s called passion.”
“Passion. You know…………………………don’t you have any things that you are passionate about? That you love?”
“Well……………………..I do, but it’s not a competition.”
“Well why can’t someone be passionate about competition?”
“Because somebody has to win and somebody has to lose.”
“So? What’s your point?”
“Because someone always leaves unhappy.”
“But that’s mutually agreed upon before the game starts.”
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