“Philosophy is pointless.”
Jordan Peterson: “Hold my beer.”
“Philosophy is pointless.”
Jordan Peterson: “Hold my beer.”
A man came by the house today. He was a man I’ve known my entire life. And it wasn’t the first time that he’s ever showed up at the house.
He had some cards that he was wanting to know the value of. Some Yugioh, Pokemon, Magic, and some other cards that I’m not sure of. I told him that I had gotten out of cards a while back, and didn’t know how much they were worth. He then started saying some very profound things that I was not expecting.
He’s had some drug problems that I’ve known about. He was on a scooter. And I don’t recall what exactly started it, but suddenly, he started talking about religion. Unprovoked. But it was not like what you might expect when being preached at. Most of the time, when someone is preached at, they hear about how terrible they are as a human being, and all of the things they need to do to alleviate themselves from the consequences of their sin. But this conversation was nothing like that. In fact, one might say that it was the exact opposite.
He started talking about energy. He said that energy is neither created, nor destroyed, but that it just exists. That there’s no time. That there is only energy. That we are energy, and that we all share this common humanity. We all share upon this energy. And we can give good energy, or we can give bad energy. But the energy is always there, and we can’t destroy it. It reminded me very much of a Bill Hicks joke: “All my point is, all my point is is there’s a lot of ways to look at the world. You know what I’m sayin’? Why pick the way you learn over TV? Cause it’s usually wrong. You ever see a good drug story on the news? Never. News is supposed to be objective, isn’t it? Supposed to be the news. But! Every drug story is negative. Well hold it. I’ve had some killer fuckin’ times on drugs. Let’s hear the whole story. Same LSD story every time, and we’ve all heard it: ‘Young man on acid thought he could fly. Jumped out of a building. What a tragedy.’ What a dick. He thought he could fly, why didn’t he take off from the ground and check it out first? You don’t see ducks lined up to catch elevators to fly south. He’s an idiot. He’s dead. Good! You mean there’s one less moron in the world? Wow, what a fuckin’ tragedy, huh? I guess I’m one car-length up in traffic tomorrow. How about a positive LSD story? That would be newsworthy. Don’t you think? Anybody think that? Just once? To hear a positive LSD story? ‘Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration; that we are all one consciousness, experiencing itself, subjectively. There is no such thing death. Life is only a dream. And we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.’”
One connection I made between the two of them was the drugs. But I don’t know if drugs really tell the whole story. Maybe they do in Bill’s case, but I’m not sure about this guy’s. But he continued. And things got really deep.
He said he’d be sitting around, drinking and smoking a bong with some people, and they’d say to him “How can you call yourself a Christian when you do all of that?” And he said to them that they didn’t get it. He told me that he’d tell them that the Ten Commandments aren’t laws which need to be strictly obeyed, but are rather more common sensical than that. To paraphrase, he said “Think about it. ‘Obey your father and your mother.’ That’s just natural, isn’t it?” The thing that struck me about this conversation was that I’ve been thinking some of these very things myself. He continued:
Once again, to paraphrase, he said “Life isn’t about obeying the laws of God. It’s about love. It’s about all of us loving each other. It’s about giving good energy through love. We are all part of this loving energy. And it doesn’t disappear: it just gets transported somewhere else when we die.”
Here was a man I hadn’t seen in months, if not a couple of years. Who I’ve known my whole life. Who just came to my house and started telling me this stuff. He asked a couple of times if I understood what he was saying. And, to my shock, I actually did. I’ve been thinking some things lately, but they aren’t fleshed out enough for writing. But I actually did understand what he was saying. And when I told him so, he’d say “I know you do.” And I could tell that he was being genuine. That he was serious. We shared a very human moment together. I thought “You know, I know people who would’ve asked him to leave. But I’m glad I just stood here and listened to him.”
He could be pretty emotional at times. Not to the verge of tears, but just very excited. I thought about telling him to calm down because I didn’t want the neighbors to check out what was happening, but he seemed to sense it every time without me saying anything. Of course, he couldn’t contain himself at times. He wasn’t sad, and he wasn’t angry, but he was very enthusiastic. Passionate. But he felt completely genuine to me. He wasn’t putting on a show. This man was pouring out his heart. And I could feel that.
He told me some very personal things about himself that I will not ever repeat to anyone. I don’t know if he was high or not. I believe I could smell a little liquor on him. But I swear, in that moment, I think his head was more clear than it had ever been.
He said he’d talk to Biblical “scholars”, to use his term, at nearby churches. Talking to them, presumably, about some of the things he had been talking about to me. He didn’t seem to think that they actually got it. Once again, it was a miracle that I was on the same brainwave as him. Maybe my natural thought processes are just as scattered as his, but I understood what he was saying. For the most part.
There were some things about tectonic plates and volcanoes and the world opening up that I was skeptical of. But I dismissed those pretty easily, because he was back on the loving energy topic pretty quickly. I don’t know if he’s right, if he’s wrong, but I guess time will tell.
He said “I’ve never told anybody any of this stuff. I’ve rarely read any of the Bible. But something just compelled me to come here and say all of this stuff.” And I understood exactly what he meant. It was a very touching moment.
He also said some stuff about seven nations, like America, Brazil, Peru, and others being a “seven-headed beast”. That “liberty” was just a myth. That there was some volcano off of the coast of southwest Australia that was going to open up like a pit of Hell. I was a little skeptical of all of that. He started losing me there. But I agreed with him, and understood what he was saying, earlier about loving energy, so I stuck with him.
He said he loved me, and I told him I loved him too. And we hugged each other. I could tell that he was genuine. And then, he was on his way.
I thought about that moment. I thought about dwelling on it. About trying to force that moment to be meaningful every moment of my entire life from here on out. But that isn’t how moments work. Moments exist within a specific time and place. Forcing them beyond that makes them lose what made them magical in the first place. But it gave me some interesting thoughts about love, and about advantage.
The way I grew up to think about love is incorrect. I thought that one had to love everybody to the fullest extent that one could, so that the world would be a good place. So that we could all get into Heaven. But the first part of that is actually more important than the latter, believe it or not. I treated love as something to always be working toward and striving for. But not just love: perfect love. “Am I being as loving as I could be?” This question always bothered me tremendously. Religion had taught me that I should love my fellow man, but how do I know how much I need to love my fellow man? Well, this was never answered specifically, but I believed that the answer to that “amount” question was the same as other “amount” questions that religion attempts to answer: “As much as you can, but that will never be enough. But you have to struggle towards that goal, anyway.”
So I put a lot of pain upon my heart to try to love people. But it only made me resent them. It made me hate myself. It confused me. I’m introverted by nature, and my idea of “love” (such as always listening to everything someone says when they talk to you, never disagreeing with someone, never getting angry at someone, etc.) was immature and, plainly, just incorrect. My old way of thinking about love put a lot of pain upon my heart that created a lot of hatred. And I don’t think my old way of thinking about love was even correct.
I believe that guy was on to something. I believe that love is a lot deeper than that. Way deeper than that. He said that he was struggling to find the words to explain what it was that he wanted to explain, and I feel the same way at the moment. I’ll bring up a conversation that I had with my best friend recently, Devin Stevens.
I called him up one night cause I hadn’t talked to him in a while. I was thinking some things about religion, and I know he’s been thinking and writing about it for a very long time now, so I just wanted to hear some of his take on religion. I asked him some questions. And he told me some personal things that I won’t break to anyone, but he’s planning on making these public in a giant religious treatise that he’s writing, so I look forward to seeing the complete piece myself. But as we talked, I came to the conclusion that, even among Christians, each person’s faith is different from one another. Christians experience Christianity differently. That was one thing that seemed very clear to me in that conversation. And I was very relieved.
It made me think of politics. In politics, force is used to make everyone “equal”, but it destroys their humanity and makes them miserable in the process. It made sense to me that, much like humans need freedom to experience the fullness of their diverse, individualistic humanity, that this humanitarian diversity and individuality would be experienced with God as well. God has made us individual, and diverse. That’s got to mean something holy. God created the Earth, and made us out of dirt. Despite our sins, I don’t think that God hates humans, nor do I believe that He hates the Earth. He created it, after all. No, most of the things He hates are common sense, I believe, just like that guy who came by my house was talking about. Stuff that most of us just naturally hate, like murder, or theft. Basic, common sense stuff. Yes, that is the stuff that God hates. That is the stuff that a loving God hates. That’s the stuff that love hates.
My old conservative ways of thinking about love and God, I have now come to believe, were wrong. There was too much emphasis on “completeness”. Too much emphasis, in effect, on the impossible. Which led me to failure, which led me to fear. But the emotion which plagued me the most about love, the old way I thought about love, was guilt. When I was younger, if I would’ve heard a story like that man told me today, I would’ve felt extremely guilty. My life has been nothing like his. And yet, this man was showing me love, and saying that we had a common bond. I would’ve felt guilty about that when I was young. But the truth is that I’ve had a much easier life than he’s had. It does make me feel bad for him, although I hope he can turn his life around, and I hope that what he said in our meeting today continues with him throughout the rest of his life. But I didn’t feel guilty today. I didn’t feel guilty for not having the troubled experiences that he has had. I just felt lucky. I felt blessed. I didn’t feel like a “better” human being than him, but I felt absolutely blessed. I said to myself “I have been lucky. I have been advantaged.” But that didn’t make me feel any need to bring myself down to any level that he has been at. Rather, it made me realize, or rather, it made me continue to think what I’ve been thinking about for a while now, that life is about taking advantage. It isn’t about “taking advantage” of someone else, but it is about “taking advantage” of yourself. Life is about taking advantage of your natural, God-given abilities and desires. That’s how human progress moves forward. That’s how things get better. When people experience the fullness of their humanity, and become the best that they can be. Not out of fear, but out of love for the world. Striving for improvement, maximizing their natural skill-sets. Bringing other people joy. The key is to accept what you have. Accept whatever it is that you have. And the key is to eliminate false humility. The key to love is accepting it when other people give it to you, for whatever reason that they do. Accept it, and move on to the next thing in your life.
For me, I’m pretty smart. Halfway decent with words. I can’t feel guilty about these things simply because I’m smarter than someone else, or a better communicator than someone else. And that lack of guilt on my part does not mean that I don’t love someone else. Advantage and disadvantage aren’t signals of love. Guilt isn’t even love. Love was that moment when this man told me very personal things, I listened to him, and then we hugged each other. The differences in our lives, past and present, had nothing to do with love. I shouldn’t feel guilty for having a much easier life than he had, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t wish him the best of luck in the future, and feel sympathy for his past.
That’s the biggest thing I need to continue developing in my life: how to take advantage of myself. How to remove anxieties and guilts, and be the best goddamned Cody Alan Reel that I can fucking be, with whatever it is that I have been given.
I’m sure I’ve heard this a lot growing up, and I’m sure I’ve dismissed it frequently, but all of those phrases about “Life being about the experience”, and “Living life to the fullest”, make a lot more sense to me now. The lesson didn’t come from the church. But I’m going to continue to take full advantage of myself, and figure out how to feel emotionally about myself as I go along. There has been a large transformation on that front as the years have gone on. A complete 180. A lot of blessings, and a lot of introspection. It’s a process. It’s an odd mixture of myself and things outside of my control. I’m going to think about it and write about it as much as I can stand it. As much as it brings me satisfaction to do so. But that’s part of my individual journey here on Earth.
I wish everyone the best of luck, and I hope that everyone can take full advantage of themselves.
My comedy is going to be SO fucking GOOD once it gets developed.
I can’t WAIT until that day…
I used to wonder why people talked about such awful things. (This is when I was in my Hellish-conservative-fantasy land world; or, the unwinnable battle, and inevitable suffering).
But then when bad things start happening to you, they keep winning until you obsess over them.
And then, failure is inevitable.
Then coping mechanisms come into play, and then hoping and praying.
And, finally, a little luck, and God, solves the problem.
Until the cycle continues again.
Failure is the root of cynicism, and false-optimism is the base of unhappiness.
There are those who are happy to ignore problems, and those that aren’t happy until they fix said problems.
I’m the latter, and I’m done listening to the former.
This is probably my favorite piece of non-fiction that I’ve written to this point.
It’s called “Personality Development.”
I love it when my actions are justified on a level so deep that only I can understand it because explaining it is too tiring for not enough payoff.
I love making my own decisions and I, like everyone else, go through multiple developments.
All of my life, as I guess is everyone else’s, is about understanding myself. But I am different than the majority of people that I encounter. Sure, some people love to learn, but experience tells me that the majority of people that I encounter don’t. See, here will be the first instance of someone saying “But Cody, there are SOME people that like to learn!” I never said there wasn’t. But having this brain of mine, which knows what some people are going to say and when they are going to say them is quite exhausting.
It is my nature to understand things as fully as possible. It is also my nature to piece pieces of information together to do so. I believe that I am better at this than your average person. Here, yet again, we will see an example of accusations of cockiness and “you think you are better than everyone else.” Dealing with this with my brain of mine is exhausting, and I do not listen to people just because they have good intentions because many times there have been instances in my life where someone who had good intentions tried to give me advice and I knew that they were incorrect. Therefore, I do not give someone the benefit of the doubt simply because they have good intentions. If I do not know what they are talking about, I am skeptical of the subject until I somehow discover what is true (or at least what I believe to be true: yes, I know I can be incorrect).
Some might call me a perfectionist and say that I need to relax, but I disagree. Your average person does not get enjoyment from problem-solving. Your average person does not care about philosophy. I know there are exceptions to the rule, but I am not talking about outliers. I am talking about personally experienced dissent, and the amount of it that I have faced.
I know that no individual is exempt from dissent, but that is also not my point. My point is that of development, and all of the things required to make it happen, as well as what exactly happens, how exactly it happens, what it leads to, etc.
All of my writing is circular (as you can see by all of the links that I post in each article), and all of my writing comes back to specific points that are intrinsic within me. Things that I care about, my “soapboxes”, things that I “rant” about, etc. Maybe some people can live their lives carefree and have nothing to get on a soapbox about, but I am writing this on MLK day and if MLK didn’t get on his “soapbox” about race relations and didn’t “rant” about them, we wouldn’t remember him today.
I am all of the time trying to solve problems. Once again, most think that this makes me miserable, but it is what I enjoy. Let me give you an example.
One of the problems that I stew about is: why are some people more intelligent than others? Surely, if we were all intelligent enough to be regarded as “highly intelligent”, the world would be better off. It would limit the number of stupid decisions made, etc. I often wonder why there is a difference. This is where my philosophical side arises, and why I become so defensive in self-preservation of my nature in the face of dissent. I really hate ignorance and laziness. If you wish for me to define ignorance, it is that that is illogical. If you wish for me to describe logic, then I would say “If I kick you in the balls, it will probably hurt.” Everyone knows what logic really is, but not everything that they believe is logical. So how do we know whether or not something believed is actually true and logical, and not just a biased opinion, and how do we know whether or not that someone that has an illogical, biased opinion (given the fact, in this hypothetical instance, that they do have one) and that what we believe is logical and factually true (once again, in this hypothetical instance, that this is the case). In other words, in this hypothetical, if someone holds a belief that is untrue, and I hold a belief that is true, how do we know that what I believe is true and what someone else believes is false? When I call them a liar, and they call me a liar, how does an outsider know whom to believe? Welcome to one of the biggest problems in my head (this is why I value honesty and hate liars, but, you guessed it: subject for another article. It’s simply too big and I haven’t had the inspiration to write about it yet because I have too many other writings on my plate and my best writing comes when I actually feel like writing, not when I force myself to, as evidenced in my official description).
Once again, at this time, I can just hear all of the people that aren’t as intelligent as me saying “Just don’t worry about it, Cody”, but it is part of my personality development to ignore them, because it has been my experience that most of these people that tell this to me are the people that hated math and never learned it, whereas I loved math and loved learning it. The reason I point this out is that thinking and learning was HARD for them, so they don’t like to do it because it makes them uncomfortable, and their intent is to limit that discomfort for myself. However, they are not considering the fact that this is what I enjoy, and no matter how often I try to explain this to people (I don’t like to do it much because it wears me out, and if I spent my entire life justifying my desires to everyone that thought I should have other desires, I wouldn’t have time to do anything else for the rest of my life) they either finally understand it and back off, or they just have a puzzled look on their face. At any rate, it is of my desire to ignore these people, despite that I will be called an “asshole”, a “smartass”, a “know-it-all”, etc. etc. I guess it simply just isn’t one of my desires to constantly defend my character to those that do not accept me for what I wish to value, and I suppose that I will not do anything towards these attackers. I’d rather be reading by myself instead. So why did I point all of this out?
This is simply me describing my own personality development. This is simply me, fighting through all of the things that attempted to change my personality, whether or not their intent was malicious. This is me writing about the fact that I like to solve problems, and describing the “problems” of other people’s advice, and describing how my thought processes work, how I piece things together, what I really love, dissent and arguments that I have heard against my personality my whole life, putting things that I value down on paper with the hope, the hope that I do not retract and enter those worlds that I have faced many times where I destroy my own personality for the sake of “someone else that knows what is good for me.” This piece could easily spin off as a condemnation of most religious ideas, but perhaps that will come at another time, although some of it will come off here. But some of my personal problems that held me back very early on in life were religious oriented, perhaps oriented by my nature, and oriented by “good intentions.” Allow me to explain early on if I can.
The first of these that I’ll start with will be the religious problems. Modern religion is fucked up, to put it lightly. Sadly, I do not wish to expose all of the problems with modern religion in this piece, and if you disagree with me, that’s fine, but the purpose of this piece is not to convince anyone of anything. This is just self-expression and a way for me to organize my thoughts: disagreements be damned.
Modern religion (back in the day: sadly, this will probably still hold true today and has probably always held true) teaches us about rigor and strict thinking. “Make sure you are aware of your thoughts, lest you lose your soul to Satan and burn forever.” Just that statement alone could warrant a dissection longer than the Bible, but I’ll probably save that for another time, although I might reference it from time to time in this piece. Modern religion teaches you this attitude much like the military teaches its soldiers: I know what is best for you, I care about you, and if you don’t do everything I say, you will die. Now, I’m not condemning the military: I’m just drawing a comparison that you can understand better. Thankfully, some people question their “spiritual elders”, but many do not, and I have noticed that many of these people aren’t very happy. I’m not going to elaborate on this here as I’m sure I will at some point in the future, but it’s just something that I’ve noticed. Modern religion prides itself on its strict mindset, but that strict mindset really causes confusion, especially to someone like me at the ages at which I first started to experience this.
The point of bringing up religion here is that religion teaches you to ignore your own thoughts and feelings as “evil”, and that “there is something else that you should believe instead.” Their proof of this involves the words “God” (this reminds me of Descartes’ “Meditations on First Philosophy”), but I’m not sure that God Himself is involved in this process at all. I think that religion is manipulating people’s fear either out of ignorance or out of enjoyment of their suffering, but this topic would be the longest of all of the pieces that I could ever write, so I’ll ignore most of that for the sake of length of this piece, as well as the direction that I wish the topic to go at this moment.
So in summation of the first piece, the first thing that held back my personality development was the strict religious mindset that I have discussed that teaches you to condemn your own thoughts and feelings.
Now let’s move on to the second step, if I may.
This one will be probably the hardest one to discuss, simply because of the scope and complexity of the concept at hand. To refresh your memory, I called this one “my nature.” To describe to you the nature that I have mentioned, I will do my best, although I may be forgetting things (I will try to be as thorough as I can). I feel a lot like Descartes, but I digress. My nature is one that loves to understand things. I do not mean memorizing things, but understanding things. My nature is a curiosity of just about everything that I see, just about everything that I hear. Everything that I experience and observe leads to a series of questions. Welcome to my nature.
When I see something, I immediately want to understand it on the deepest existential level possible. This is not to impress anyone, nor is it out of some kind of compulsion towards God, but rather it is what I enjoy. I have an insatiable desire for understanding, and although there have been many figures throughout history whom have been revered for having this personality type, I currently find myself (and have frequently found myself in the past) justifying my own nature towards those that have a different nature. I have discussed things with my best friend that have helped me tremendously, and I thank him very much for it, but several of these topics (just to skim them) include false ideas within religion (I do not wish to “prove” them at this point in time), just figuring out and expressing my own nature, figuring out how to deal with dissent in a way besides the way that I was taught (just take some cliches, memorize them, and you’ll be alright: oh yeah, by the way, this is also what will save your soul when used with the Bible). Nothing was deep about the “advice” I received. All of the advice that I received was cliches about positivity to be enforced with the religious mindset that I discussed earlier. Boy, what some fucking advice THAT was.
I understand that many people that gave me “advice” didn’t have malevolent intentions. But this piece is not called “I Want to Cut Off the Head of Everyone That Has EVER Given Me Advice.” If it was, then you could probably say “Well their intents weren’t bad.” But this piece is called “Personality Development”, and so, once again, to restate, this is simply me putting my personality onto paper so that I better understand it for myself. That is ALL this piece is for, and despite the fact that I know I’m going to get some cliched “advice” like “be yourself”, “you don’t have to change for anybody”, etc. etc., I’m going to “ignore” that advice because listening to that advice in the past led me down the religious mindset with cliches, so I’m going to ignore it (this is very Descartesian) and think of things for myself, which is one of the main things that this piece is all about: it’s me actually learning how to DO this for myself, and it works best whenever I can express it through writing.
If you know just how much I love to solve problems, you would be amazed (I’m going to attempt to ignore the “cocky” labels I’m sure that I’m bound to face here: for those of you that will probably say “Why do you always keep bringing up the other side of the argument?”, it’s because I love intelligence and understanding, I like elaborating on things, and this is just part of my “personality development.” It strengthens your argument when you do so). My mind is constantly asking philosophical questions about everything. I do not watch a sporting event without thinking about philosophical questions (I find that this is one of the only times that my brain can stop focusing on the outside world and instead focus internally, although I always inevitably come up with questions about sports themselves). I realize that I’m in the minority, and that some people will admire that fact and that others will tell me to “calm down” (whatever that false advice means: philosophy is my enjoyment, as I will say many times in this piece), but once again, this piece is called “Personality Development”, and this is about many things that I’ve recently been working on in my life: accepting how I really feel about everything that I feel something about (mainly), etc. And I honestly don’t care if I’m praised for this. A “moralist”, as I call them, will say “But Cody, you should be THANKFUL that someone feels that way about you!” But I never said that I wasn’t. I just didn’t realize that I was required to always say something everytime someone made their own decision to enjoy something that I do (I’m NOT required to do that). Here will be one instance where you can see how my brain really works: how I take multiple issues and combine them into one resolution (if not a resolution, then at least I form them together to create one question).
I will combine this into the concepts of “celebrity” and “wealth” (I’ll try not to go too into detail here, but I will mention it as briefly as I can while still formulating coherent points). So often, throughout my life, I have heard your “average” citizen say that wealthy people should “give something back” and “be thankful for what they have” (despite the fact that most are, even though there are some outliers but I’m starting to think that it’s really not the average citizen’s business what a wealthy person does with their life or what they feel: see how this connects to what I’ve been saying with my own personality development?) but recent economic learnings have taught me things such as why private property is important, how wealth is created and what it is, what economies are, etc. I won’t discuss that here because I have a whole blog dedicated to that, but this topic ties in to what I’ve been saying on a couple of levels, and it will tie into many other issues that are frequently on my mind that I may discuss here or that I may not discuss here. On the one hand, the attitude that most people have about the rich is directly related to what I’ve been saying about what people think about me. For instance, all of these cliches that you hear about not caring about what other people say about you applies to these wealthy celebrities as well. It doesn’t matter that someone doesn’t think you deserved your money: you’re a free individual and you’re free to ignore them. If I am told that I should do all of these things to better myself, such as “be myself”, and all of these other cliches that I hear, then that advice should not disappear from relevance just because I have acquired some amount of fame and money. If “fame and money aren’t everything” (another typical cliché), then they shouldn’t be able to influence whether or not I have the right to “be myself.” As evidence of this, check out some things on my other blog and check out some things that I’ve written about economics so far. I will try not to discuss anymore economics issues here.
What is the last piece of the puzzle?
Perhaps the biggest and most malicious one involved.
I discuss logic and good intentions with my best friend on a regular basis, and I almost don’t want to discuss it all here because this would be a good article by itself, but I’ll decide as I write this whether or not I will do so.
I could provide an infinite amount of hypotheticals to illustrate this point, but I’d rather not because, as I said, they could be infinite. But rather, I’ll just say that results are more important to me than intentions, and I will discuss why this is the case in other articles that will be written whenever the fuck I feel like writing them.
So let me discuss a couple of more things that are currently on my mind that relate to most of this, obviously that relate to the subject of the article, and that I stew about and wish to write down in order to understand these things a little bit more.
I’ll try to just make this only one more topic, and hopefully I can find a way to succinctly wrap this up.
I am all of the time trying to figure things out. Also, all of the time, my personality is developing so that I can handle the dissent that I will always face because of my personality (no one is exempt from this fact), thus why this article was written and entitled “Personality Development”: the title suggests what it is, and not only is it a subject about my personality development, but it actually contributes to it. That is one of the great gifts of writing. If you know nothing else about me, know that I love to figure things out, and that I wish to be left alone about it. I don’t want to be a teacher and I don’t like to talk to people for many of the reasons that I have discussed in this article, and I’m actually content with that (think about “advice” and the celebrities that I discussed earlier). But my mind will always be a problem-solving machine, factoring in things that most people either would never notice, do not think matter, or do not think exist. My mind factors in everything around me and tries to determine truths about them that most don’t think exist: not only that it exists, and that it is called something, but why it is here: the question that most either are apathetic towards, are ignorant of, or fear from a religious basis: all things that are either destructive or which are not a part of my own personal constitution.
Everything that is said, everything that is seen, everything will be factored into my head into some forms of answers, and if my personality can develop to a point where I can do this, which makes me happy, and figure out my own personal way of handling all of the problems that other people put upon my plate in a way that works best for me, then that would be a gigantic, much needed, much appreciated step in my life.
That was the purpose of this article.
January 21, 2014.
(I know that MLK day was on the 20th: that’s when I started writing this, thus the reference to it. But it was published on my blog on the 21st).
I have a fear of going to places that I’ve never been before: feeling uncomfortable emotions on stage, developing a following as a writer, immersing myself into what I want my careers to be: these are things that require basically all of your energies and emotions. This is not something that I’ve really done before. It’s terrifying to me to think of things that I’ve never thought of before, or to experience things that I’ve never experienced before and am not quite sure how to act. However, I do recognize that these are wonderful experiences that make life what it is, so I embrace that idea. It will be hard at times for me to come out of my shell and just fully experience an emotion or get lost into certain worlds, but what harm will come to me if I do so? Will a hole in the spacetime continuum rip open, as I sometimes believe? Or will I simply have something to immerse myself completely in?
I like that latter thought, and I hope that I continue to go down this path so that I never enter reality and am instead completely immersed in the fictions that I love so much.
My crafts will definitely reflect that if I do and it will be worth it, not only because my crafts will be so much more amazing but also because I will feel fantastic, if I can get over this gigantic fear which I think I will 🙂
October 30, 2013.
Slowly descending into a self-imposed madness......
These are my public, free poems I plan on not publishing for financial profit. Feel free to check them out. Comments welcome!
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