Tag Archives: Overthinking

How to find a good title for everything that amounts to a “life’s work”?

I think I’ve finally figured out a good way to describe what exactly it is that I’m looking for out of life. It comes down to one word: “profundity”. I want to be moved. I want nature and life to make me cry. I want to be able to cry in front of someone while looking at something beautiful, and be able to say to them “That’s beautiful.”

I’ve always had this sense, for many years, that something was missing in my life. I couldn’t figure out what it was. I think part of the problem is being surrounded by the perspective of the “average” person: dull, and dumb. Not much to look forward to but the next race or ball game (I’m not talking about family, but just being around people in public, overhearing conversations constantly, coworkers, etc.). That’s not what life is about to me. I think that’s why I’ve been going on these solo drives lately. One, just for new environments. But, arguably even more so, because of self-reflection.

I feel like I’ve been beaten down over the years with constant derision of being an “overthinker“. No one could possibly understand the enjoyment that I get from contemplation. I haven’t known how to speak out against it. Now that I’m older, with more responsibility and freedom, I find myself asking: What do I want my perspective to be? What do I want to think about? Where do I want my mind to be? That’s a very deep question. Going through the motions gets you through the day. But is that all my life is? “Getting through the day”? What’s the point in that? You’re telling me that God created our entire universe, the Earth, and US, for Christ’s sake, just for us to “get through the day”? What kind of ultimate purpose is THAT? A fucking pathetic one.

No, there’s something missing in my life, for sure. So much talk revolves around bills and jobs. Not only politically, but just “small talk”. To be fair, I guess when it occupies as much time and energy as it does, that is inevitable. But am I to take certain inevitabilities as the purpose of my life? If I were to get cancer tomorrow, would I treat that cancer as the purpose of my life? Would I talk about it constantly, and think of nothing else but it? Or would I look for profundity in other things? I think the answer is the latter.

I’m tired of listening to well-meaninged people warning about a “life wasted”. I want to be able to say why I disagree with them. In order to do that, I need to use words. I need to “overthink” about words. I’m tired of playing dumb just to keep some sense of “social peace”. Your inferiority complex shouldn’t be my problem. There’s too much profundity to be concerned with some jackass that feels insecure because your vocabulary is deeper than his.

And that should go for myself as well. I shouldn’t dismiss someone just because they speak better than me. Just learn how to speak better, you fucking retard. Learn new words. Become a better listener. It’s not one of the Ten Commandments: just an improvable life skill.

The ultimate problem is that I’m not allowing myself to get lost in my own head enough. I listen to others a lot so that I can learn things for myself. But speaking up for myself is difficult many times. I don’t really allow myself, often enough, to reflect, and contemplate. This makes those times when I do feel like doing those things all the more special. There’s other factors mentally blocking me from fully dedicating myself to creating things. I’ll have to continue to write about those later, even though I’m sure I’ve already touched on them somewhere.

My head is too full of the words of others instead of what feels like my own independent thoughts. Social anxiety is one reason why I can’t tune others out. The other is that responsibility scares me. The unknown future is scary for all of us often. So we focus on our immediate day, where more things are under our control. But I’ve encountered so many people that say “Where in the hell did my life go?” that it scares me, so I try to think more about the future. And I believe that my future would be better if I allowed myself to get more lost inside of my own head, instead of replaying the words of others in my head constantly and doubting my every desire and decision. That ain’t working anymore. I can’t write like that. Writing requires independent thoughts. I love writing. I need independent thoughts. I need MY words. I don’t want my words to just be “Here’s what someone else told me one time.” What’s MY analysis?

But it’s hard to allow myself to get lost in my head. As I’ve said, it’s just scary to be alone inside of your own head. All of your mistakes come at once. All of your uncertainties. Your worst fears. They come storming at you. It’s easier to close the door of your independent mind and let someone else distract you from yourself. Perhaps some music would help?

Going out on a limb like this, of course, poses its own problems. What if I’m wrong? That’s humiliating. Will I just be able to say “I messed up?” Once again, I think that’s, mainly, just a skill that needs to be learned. It’s one thing to realize the power of humility when you feel like you aren’t making a mistake. It’s another when you realize you have.

Another problem is experience. EVERYTHING is “experience”. But the question should be: what kind of experience? I need more experience with linguisticators. I want to figure out why they burn me out so much. I understand that reading, and listening to good speakers, would help me with my own desire to communicate. But I’m always hesitant to do so. Why? Well, for one, language is separate from the subject. I like focusing on a couple of subjects at a time. But then, I get burned out. So in order to keep reading, and not feeling burnt out on the subject, I’d have to read about another subject. But which one? That’s the problem. Reading something and realizing that I don’t enjoy it. Or just getting tired of it, like eating the same food everyday, except with a book. I need to approach reading differently. Instead of focusing on the subject, I need to focus on the language used. That’s not going to be easy. I’m still going to read subjects that I enjoy, of course. But I also need to be able to analyze the use of language separately from the content of the work. Ok, this work is boring me. But is it written well? If so, why? And then, try to learn how to use language better for myself. Once again, this is just a skill that needs to be learned.

Ultimately, the solution will probably come down to reading writers better than I (shouldn’t be too hard to find). I need to have a certain mindset to be open enough to understand what it is exactly that makes their writing better than mine, and how to use that for myself. I guess the question becomes: how much do I want to do that, exactly? I don’t know how much of it will satisfy me yet. I don’t even know how to approach it, really. I anticipate that if I took the advice of someone else that I’d burn out quickly and then get tired of learning how to get better altogether. I think this is a slow, natural, lifetime process that I can’t fully explain yet. It could be the case that I’m lying to myself, and all of this is for naught. But I think it is the only thing that satisfies my heart, and that matters to me (of course). The challenge is being able to explain WHY I believe that it matters.

Another reason that I find language so difficult is that I’ve always associated good speakers with charlatans. It’s easy to tell if an idiot is “good” or “evil“. It’s much harder when someone speaks well. I was so afraid of being evil (thanks, free will baptism) that I just avoided language like the plague. I realize now how stupid that was. But now begins the task of fixing it. And that’s going to be hard, considering how far behind I am because of my old way of thinking. You may say “You write well now,” but you have no idea how good it can become. I do.

For better or worse, ethics consume most of my thoughts. I think this is an evident combination of genes and environment. Certainly, my religious upbringing and journey has a lot to do with why thoughts of ethics almost consume me. But I know there’s definitely a major genetic component as well. Hypocrisy, especially if I do something “evil”, scares me. I just don’t want to do it. I, like everyone else, am torn between doing good and evil. I have, and will, do both throughout my life. And that bothers the fuck out of me. I guess one might say “The fact that it bothers you proves that you’re a good person.” But I will take no solace in that. The thought of being a hypocrite bothers me. Especially the thought of being a hypocrite on a very famous scale (and I desire “fame” only as a measure of success that I wish to have, so that I don’t get stuck in a life that I resent everyday. Maybe one day I’ll just be “content” like everyone else, but I have goals, and I want them. And that’s all I care about. I know that it takes that type of attitude to succeed, so now, all I need is that success, so that I can hand you the check and say “I told you so.” And if it doesn’t work, who cares? I’ll join you at the factory line and you can tell me about all of the time I’ve wasted, whereas I can say “At least I tried” and make fun of you for NOT trying). I find enjoyment in being critical, and that obviously puts a lot of pressure on me. “Just stop being so critical,” you might say. Criticism, especially humorous criticism, is too much fucking fun. I think it’s worth the anxiety of making a mistake. And, once again, I think that’s another reason why humility is a skill that I desperately need to develop.

And that never-ending war of trying to figure out how to “handle” other people. In a way where the advice of others doesn’t deafen my own independent thoughts. Trying to figure out truth is a lifelong battle: as is dealing with the evil of others. It will continue on forever, as you continue to get older, and, eventually, die. We do good, we do evil, then we think about and talk about the evil of others. Then, we listen to others talk about the evil of still yet others. I’m so fucking exhausted with it all. I want to take part in it, but I’m also fucking sick of it. “Hypocrisy”, I guess you’d say. And here comes the advice. And here’s where Cody has to say “Ignore it, because you want to.” And here’s where Cody hears others complaining that he said he’s going to ignore them. And here’s where Cody needs to tell himself “Just continue ignoring them.” And here’s where Cody hears them saying that “Yes, you need to ignore them.” And here’s where Cody realizes they are “them” so he shouldn’t listen to them. And on, and on, and fucking on. “Just stop”- I can’t- “You think too much”-no I don’t shut up haven’t you read fucking anything I’ve written up to this point? Maybe you realize the problem now.

I can’t wait to just become an old grouch. That’s what my heart ultimately longs for. It flies in the face of all “advice” you’ll hear. But who gives a shit. I’m a grumpy old grouch at heart, goddammit, and that’s what I want to be. So it’s going to fucking stay that way. Get out.

You can’t appreciate profundity when a bunch of stupid blabbermouths don’t see it and won’t shut the fuck up about what they do see.

…Stuff like this makes me wish that either I was older or that I end up dying younger. I can’t take 80 years of thinking like this, and I refuse to think like everyone else. I’m hopeful that this will change as time goes by. But, of course, I want it NOW. I already feel about 90. If I ever do make it to 90, I can’t imagine how I’d feel. That’s scary. Maybe I don’t want to make it to 90. But things do change…

Communication, like everything else, is hard. Regardless of what “natural” abilities you may have, everything gets hard at some point. There’s a reason why talented, say, basketball players practice. Michael Jordan has always been, and will always be, a better basketball player than me. And most. So why did he practice? Well……….what ELSE was he going to do? THAT was a question that he had to ask himself. And he ANSWERED it himself. That’s what I need to do. It doesn’t matter that I’ll (probably) never become the “Michael Jordan” of writing. That is so far removed from the point that that thought shouldn’t have even entered your head. The point is what do I want my writing and thoughts to be, and what do I want to do with them?

And that produces a fine line. Writing involves organization, knowing when to lengthen a piece, and knowing when to cut one off. My default position has just been to cut everything off short (because it’s easier). But something has been missing. I knew this day would come eventually, so I have never stressed about today not being around yesterday. But the day has come where I’m no longer satisfied with cutting things off prematurely. I’ve said stuff like this a million times, but it continues to be true. The process of writing is constant. I’ll probably say, throughout my entire life, that “I need to learn how to edit.” It doesn’t matter how much better I get from one year to the next, I anticipate that I’ll still say “I need to learn how to edit.” Why? Well, this is where the “Michael Jordan” analogy comes into play. What in the fuck ELSE am I going to do with my writing? If I don’t do that, but I want to write, the writing is just going to be “WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD WORD”. What’s the point in reading that? There IS none. Michael Jordan won a championship and an MVP one year. Why did he play the next year? It’s all about an attitude, and what one wants to do. I don’t care if I never win a writing MVP, or whatever. I don’t care if I’m not ranked among the 100,000 best writers ever. The point is that I want to write, and what attitude am I going to have while I do so? I pity those that don’t understand what I’m talking about. They’re kind of idiots.

I hope I don’t burn out too quickly. This has been a lifetime coming, but, ultimately, I think everything is. Everything has been leading up to everything. That’s unavoidable. But being able to explain that in certain ways is a skill that I wish to develop. One of the skills that I wish to develop.

I also need to work on the fact that even if someone’s advice doesn’t help me, at least they want to. I can ignore it, but at least I can say “Well, they’re trying to help, even if they aren’t.” At least give them that credit. And then, get back to my alone time as quickly as possible. I’m sure they’ll understand. At least, if I’ve explained myself well enough, they will. I think my main frustration with advice is that I haven’t been able to effectively speak for myself. That’s a pattern that I continue to notice. I’ve never been happy with my ability to speak for myself, and it’s something I’ve worked on for many, many years. And I have a long fucking way to go. It’s all a complicated weave that I have in my head that I want to be able to elaborate. And it’s exasperating. And it just keeps building more and more and more. It’s hard to handle, but this is the best time in my life to handle it financially. I can’t afford to waste this opportunity. I want all of my ideas to come fast, and just get them all done as rapidly as possible. But they need to mature to maintain a quality that I’m happy with. It’s not about writing a bestseller, it’s just about writing good stuff, goddammit. My heart has always hurt when inspiration has hit me and I couldn’t write because I was at work, or had to go to school the next day. Staying up for hours later than I should just because “It hit me.” Feeling frustrated because I had other responsibilities that kept me from writing. So much of that has changed. This is the time that I’ve been desperate for my whole life. SO WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD I EVER STRUGGLE TO WRITE?????????? Write NOW, dammit!!! In truth, there’s still stuff to figure out, as there always has been. But this is, more than likely, the best time I will EVER HAVE to create. EVER. I’ll have more free time now than I’ve ever had. That pressure is terrifying. But if I get in too much of a hurry, the work sucks. And I need to absorb more before I can regurgitate more. I haven’t been happy with much of my writing for a long time now, and it’s mainly because I just didn’t have enough within me to get it done the way I wanted to get done. There’s too much for me to elaborate on here, but I want to do it eventually. All of my work is a tangled weave of my life. It all connects, in the grand scheme of things. I’m a “mad scientist”. It’s a delicate balance. I guess I’ll just have to hope that I don’t see it all as a mistake down the road, and figure out exactly what I’m going to do today, and how.

Technical ability to improve quality (of things like video) is a skill I need to learn without burning myself out trying to do so. Software, camera work, lighting. No, I don’t need to go to school for it. I’ll experiment with it myself eventually. But I need a better outlook of completing good work. A – you guessed it – philosophical approach to quality and effort. I know that probably sounds weird to you. But I want to be able to explain what I mean eventually. I want to be able to explain everything. How I write, etc.

I need to hurry up and get better so I can churn out more stuff, and keep improving it. The gaps in time between my writings are far too fucking long for my taste. But I can’t just type “BLAH BLAH BLAH” and say I’ve written something. It just takes a lot of time. Everything does. And then, I’ll get old and say “Holy fuck. Where did the time go?”

I still have a lot of things that I want to say about the past. About writing. I want to be able to explain what is going on inside of my head. If that doesn’t interest you, that’s fine. If it enrages you, I find that humorous. If it inspires you, that’s terrifying. But the ultimate point is that I want to be lost inside of my own head to find some peace in this world. That’s mainly what I care about at the moment. That, and just learning how to do everything better, such as my attitude and “dealing with” other people. And editing, and organizing, etc.

So that’s what I’m working on, I guess. Lmfao (When to work? When to break? When to write? When to listen to music? Who to listen to? Who to ignore? WHEN WHEN WHEN? It never ends).

The hardest part about all of this is having known, for a long time, that all of this was going to happen (or at least significant parts of it), but having it not happen. Realizing “Yep, this is definitely a waiting game.” As my favorite childhood musician once said, “The waiting is the hardest part.”

Bulleted lists of what I like about writing and what I hate about writing.

Why Express?

Highly Sensitive Mind.

My poetry.

Advertisements

Non-sequiturs.

Just because someone believes something that is objectively true does not mean that one believes that it IS true because he believes it to be true.

That’s a strawman argument.

“WE SHOULD VALUE OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS AS EQUALLY AS OUR OWN!”

Overthink.

WHO believes in the concept of “overthinking”; and WHY.

Only an unintelligent person believes in the concept of “overthinking”.

He believes that one is “overthinking” when one has exceeded his intellectual abilities.

“Think too much”.

Things that I have for sale on Kindle.

Where you can financially support me if you so desire.

An Analysis of My Past: It Involves Idiots and Bullshit (their bond is tighter than covalent bonding)

I’m starting to understand why I’ve believed some of the dumb shit that I’ve believed.

IT’S BECAUSE PEOPLE WOULDN’T STOP SAYING IT.

And then they would say to stop worrying about it, but also worry about it: essentially, it came down to “you think too much, so stop worrying about it“, meaning stop thinking about it. But if you are doing too much of it, and you need to stop, you need to “worry” about it, meaning to put it in your conscious (as that is how they use the term “worrying” about things; I was never “worried” in the way the term is usually used, but rather I was interested in something. But I was told to “stop worrying” as if I was actually worrying, and so I thought “If I need to be conscious of being too conscious, doesn’t that defeat the point?” This is why “typical, societal advice” is illogical and useless, especially in spite of its intentions, and perhaps it is even more useless because of its intentions).

“Overthinking”.

Intelligence.

My nature.

A Philosopher’s Mind.

Genius.

How to debate when you’re stupid.

ANOTHER description of how to debate when you’re stupid.

Intellect Equals Cockiness?

History.

Insightful.

Stefan Molyneux – Self-Defense Against Idiots!

Things that I have for sale on Kindle.

Where you can financially support me if you so desire.

The most gigantic problem that I’ve ever faced in my life, and that I continue to face

The stupid tell the smart to value the values of others, but the stupid never value the values of the smart.

This is exactly why they are so stupid.

Another Message on Intelligence.

Intellect Equals Cockiness?

A Short Message on the Idiocy of the Concept of “Overthinking” Based on Different Definitions of the Word that I Think Are Correct Based on Experience and Reason. How Do I Know if I’m Right or Not? That is the EXACT point of this piece. So take heed of it completely, if you can.

Excellence (meaning to excel), talent, etc.

I’ll be called “cocky” for this, but this is part of my own personality development (growth, my love for understanding, etc. etc.).

My life mantras, all summed up.

What is the point of intelligence?

Intelligence and Actions.

A Short Message on the Idiocy of the Concept of “Overthinking” Based on Different Definitions of the Word that I Think Are Correct Based on Experience and Reason. How Do I Know if I’m Right or Not? That is the EXACT point of this piece. So take heed of it completely, if you can.

Girl: “Do you ever think that the person you don’t reply to can be the girl/boy of your dreams? And you ignore them because you base off looks?”

Me: “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Do you ever think that anything that you ever do could always have a better alternative? If so, then how do we do anything at all? Dumb fear.”

Girl: “To that idiot above who said this is a dumb fear, who said it was a fear in the first place? And what if there really wasn’t another alternative? Please explain this since you think you know everything.”

Me: “What is your intention then? You’re basically saying that because you do something, something else could happen as a result of it instead of something else, but none of this is certain. You could choose to not base it on looks, and it still might work out. Or you could base it on looks and it could work out. Because of the infinite possibilities of the future, with no guarantee what will happen or not, your ‘advice’ feels useless, and I don’t understand why you’re so ‘anti-looks’ based on a possibility of something that could happen, that isn’t guaranteed. I could die tomorrow, so does that mean that I should take more risks simply because my death is uncertain? What if I don’t want to take risks? Is the fact that I don’t want to take risks always a bad thing? I don’t think so. Likewise, I think that it isn’t always a bad thing to base things off of looks because looks are extremely important, and we shouldn’t deny this to ourselves. The fact that you are telling us to deny something intrinsic, to me, means that you have a motive. If your motive is possibilities that aren’t set in stone, then why do it at all? If it is based on some kind of morality, then yes, I would say it is ‘fear-based.’ Read the whole thing before you dismiss my explanation if you’re credible at all.”

Girl: “I am not saying anybody should do anything nor am I giving any kind of advice to anybody. I’m simply saying this because it’s a thought that I myself was having and wanted to share, so don’t use any universal argument against a personal thought. You really overthought the whole status.”

Me: “The fact that you say I’m ‘overthinking’ proves that you don’t have anything of value to say, as I figured. Likewise, why even post the thought then? It certainly seemed loaded and rhetorical, and I would say that many would agree with me, but I do not listen to people that tell me that I ‘overthink’, so good night. People like you don’t think and that is incredibly discouraging for us thinkers that change the world and clean up your mistakes. Good night.”

Why do I say that she doesn’t have anything of value to say?

Because I value thinking (this link is a perfect example of the post you are reading in action. I hope that you can comprehend that fact).

It is intrinsic to me.

When you tell me that I “overthink”, you are not respecting a core value that I hold dear to myself above all else, and that is precision, exactness, and breadth and depth of thought.

“Overthink” is a term that was created by idiots because they feel bad when smart people do what we do best: namely, being smart.

People told Einstein that he “overthought” because he wanted to know about space.

People told Tesla that he “overthought” for wanting to know about electricity.

These two individuals have accomplished more in the world than any mass of people has ever accomplished.

This is what being anti-“overthinking” gets you: a bunch of problems with an attitude that can never fix them, so if you want to be miserable, believe in “overthinking.” If you want problems to be solved, they’ll inevitably be solved by these “overthinkers”, and we’re gonna get our way eventually so you can either get out of the way and let us think (the only “over” comes into play because it is “over” your heads) or we will fight you until we create our inventions and concepts that you could never fucking understand, possibly partially to blame because you believe in “overthinking” because your wee little mind doesn’t have the capacity to think like the rest of us.

This is why ideas aren’t accepted during the times they were conceived, but only after the fact. “Why did Hitler come into power? Why did they just not put him into power in the first place?” This exact reason. Most probably won’t understand this, and that is the greatest problem of our age: people not believing things that are true, and how exactly we define truth, how we know what it is, what it is, etc. etc. etc.

I’ll write more about these subjects in the future, but people are deathly incorrect about this concept of “overthinking.”

To be fair, being stressed is not the same as “overthinking.” If I’m being smart, intelligent and in-depth, I’m not stressed. It might stress out these people of less intellectual capacity, but it doesn’t me, and I must say that if us thinkers are going to be comfortable and confident in thinking, I don’t want people to be worried about “overthinking” like I did when it is in our nature to think and be at a higher level, and I ignore everyone that thinks that I “overthink.” Why? Because I actually think more in depth than they do, so how could I not have a more clear understanding of it? To be fair, I understand how there are small truths and complex lies, but does that fact mean that all small things are true and all complex things are false? How do we know? I would question whether or not that is true. How do we find out? Is it as simple as “just believing it”?

I’ve lost those of lesser intellectual abilities here, but I’m ok with that because they prove my point: that they don’t know what is really going on, which is exactly what I’m talking about.

If it is as simple as “just believing it”, then is everything we believe true? If not, how do we know what is true and what isn’t? We still have to pick beliefs, yes. Do we know if a belief works or not? If we always bitch, whine, complain and moan about how shitty our lives are, then why in the fuck do we not think? What solves our problems besides thinking? We could pray, sure. But is prayer not a thought? Then what in the fuck are we doing when we condemn thought? I could have a thought “I’m bored”, or I could have a thought “Maybe, if I do this, I could cure cancer. And it’s extremely complicated. But I want to test it and find out.” The latter is the “overthinker” that is condemned. You may not say that you would condemn the one that thought he could cure cancer, but if you were to try to listen to his processes, I promise you you would condemn him as “overthinking”, and I say this because you condemn thinkers before realizing whether or not it works just because it is complex and time-consuming, and that is deadly to all of those whom us thinkers would help out if we are correct. How do we know? That is the question that we ask that you condemn, except you never give us the option to even see if it works because you are ignorant (maybe even with good intentions).

The truth is more complicated than most that I have experienced in my lifetime realize.

Theories are attacked simply because they are called “theories”, logic is scoffed at for the same reason, the continuing, never-ending problems of stupidity and apathy, and hope.

Truth, proving what is already true, more “typical, conventional, societal advice” about “the right thing” that doesn’t make any sense, religious moralism and trying to abide by God’s laws (and inevitably failing), the moralist mindset of living by rules because God says so (or morals say so), why use the term “defend” the truth if it is inevitably true (what are you defending it against?), things for their own sake that lead to nothing, the illogical nature of sin: destructiveness for its own sake (that we are slaves to), and the nature of reality.

The Link Between Bad Advice and Morality.

“Public”, “Morality”, Emotions, Logic, and Practicalities.

Lack of intelligence and lack of logic replaced with emotions (intentions, etc.) explains our education problem.

A Philosopher’s Mind.

Intellect Equals Cockiness?

The Reason that I Don’t Talk to People.

My Nature, My Enjoyment, and Notes About Desires and Perfection.

One of the greatest thinkers of all time. What I would like to be seen as historically. Descartes – Meditations of First Philosophy. A godsend for me personally because of posts like this one, as well as all of my other ones.

March 30, 2014.

Things that I have for sale on Kindle.

Where you can financially support me if you so desire.